Differences
by Crina
Summary: The rewrited version. Their relationship would never be easy, far from it, because while he was the Slytherin prince, she was a Gryffindor with a little baby.
1. Beginning

**A/N:** Completely rewritten version. I hope you enjoy it!

* * *

_**Beginning**_

Their relationship could never be described as an easy one. He, Regulus Black, was a Slytherin, the heir of the noble and most ancient house of Black, with the secret wishes of being a Death Eater growing inside of him.

She, Jillian Conor, was a Gryffindor, one year older than he was, a friend with mudbloods and blood traitors – with Sirius, Regulus' good-for-nothing brother – and had become a mother only few days after her sixteenth birthday.

It wasn't about love at first. They started it because of her silly proposition, which she made because she was so lonely and tired, and he consented because he needed something new and he thought Jillian was the best answer to those needs.

But how did the story of two so different people begin in the first place? What made Jillian say aloud that suggestion of hers?

Like every great story, it started one evening at the Hogwarts' library, in late October.

Jillian had a habit of coming there after lunch and staying an hour, maybe even two unless she had something better to do, which she most of the times didn't have. Two days after giving birth she had decided not to disappoint her parents anymore in any way, and better grades were a part of her plan.

Regulus, on the other hand, wasn't very interested of his success at school, but when even Slughorn, who was very fond of Regulus (whether it was because of his surname or not, Regulus didn't know or want to know), had hinted about the possibility of Regulus not getting through his exams, he had decided to even pretend he cared.

The library was quiet at that time. There were a few little Hufflepuffs in the corner, but they wouldn't have even imagined of harassing _the_ Regulus Black. But Jillian Conor, sitting in a corner table and looking up when she heard Regulus opening the door, could very well imagine herself doing what they wouldn't do.

Maybe things would have gone differently if they both wouldn't have wanted the same book. Jillian reached to take it, and her fingertips were just brushing its cover, when Regulus snatched it to his own hands. She pressed her lips to a tight, stern line (and even if she didn't know it then, she looked just like her mother).

"I would love to have my book back, Black."

"I don't see your name on it, little princess", answered Regulus. He didn't _really_ need the book, but he would rather have died than given it to her.

Jillian bit her lip. A sensible thing to do in that situation would have been to turn away and glide away with dignity. But she wanted that book now even more she had wanted it when she had reached for it, and so she did what was the only reasonable thing for a Gryffindor queen to do in such circumstances.

Few moments later the war was raging, and so was the librarian.

After they had been banished and banned from the library for next four months, they ended up in some empty classroom. First they were hexing each others with a fiery passion and the next thing they knew was that one very angry Minerva McGonagall was giving detention to them. _And _taking twenty points from each house.

"And don't even try to complain, Conor", McGonagall said harshly, noticing that the girl standing in front of her had opened her mouth defiantly. "Duelling in a classroom like that! You should be glad that I'm not taking fifty. Now, both of you, go to your common rooms, and I swear that if I ever see you two again in a situation like this..."

Both of them obeyed and made their ways to their common rooms – Regulus to his precious, green and silvery dungeon, Jillian Conor, still angry and upset because of losing points (she _never_ lost points, not even when she had actually done something – she always blamed James, who took the blame on his shoulders more than happily), to Gryffindor's red and golden tower, where Lily Evans and James Potter were doing what they did and loved best – bickering. Jillian and Cora exchanged a long, suffering look and then Jillian slipped to her dormitory.

* * *

Regulus had been sure that the girl would appear from somewhere during the next day and try to continue their fight. Really, he expected it. But Jillian didn't come to him.

Actually she didn't even look at him during the following days. To her, he didn't seem to exist. And that was what made Regulus angry. That Gryffindor girl had no right to treat him like air – that was his sole right!

So whether he wanted it or not, Regulus Arcturus Black began soon to care a little more about Jillian Adriana Conor than he would have liked. He started to follow her, so carefully that she wouldn't notice (and she didn't, either) and learned many things about his enemy, even the greatest and most well-kept secret of hers.

And one weekend, when it was nearly December, they collided again.


	2. December

_**December**_

On that particular, snowy Saturday in the end of November neither of them had anything reasonable enough to do. Regulus was walking around castle, wand in the pocket of his new (and expensive, but that should be obvious) robes, lost in his thoughts. His Quidditch practice had been canceled, Sirius was still a slimy blood traitor and professor Slughorn was still inviting him to his parties so often that Regulus had actually lost the count of them.

Jillian was coming from the Owlery. She didn't have an owl of her own, but one of the school's owls had taken her letter more than willingly and flown away to Godric's Hollow, where Jillian's parents and older brother lived near James' family. If she hadn't been banned from the library, she would have gone there, but since she _was_ banned, she walked slowly towards her common room, trying to remember had she taken her wand with her or not. It was not in her pockets, she knew that, but was not so sure about her bag.

She stopped and started to examine her bag, unaware that her dearest library buddy was coming closer and closer all the time.

And speak of the devil...

"Oh, and what do we have here?" asked Regulus, walking towards Jillian.

"Get lost, Black", Jillian snapped back, still trying to find her wand from her bag. Could she really have left it to her dormitory? Stupid, stupid, stupid her.

"You Gryffindors are such a quick-witted bunch", Regulus said, smiling a bit. It was not a friendly kind of smile, and Jillian knew that she would soon hear something unpleasant. "How's your son doing?"

Jillian dropped her bag to floor and stared Regulus with wide open eyes. What ever she had been thinking she would hear, that was not it. She hadn't had any idea that others than her friends and Hogwarts' staff members knew. She had though that her little secret had stayed as one too.

"How do you – do you _know_ about – about him?" she asked quietly, picking her bag up. Her hands were shaking a little, but she didn't want to show any weakness to that idiot standing right in front of her.

"You shouldn't talk so carelessly about your secrets when someone might be listening", answered Regulus, a self-satisfied smile on his lips. "So, tell me, who is the father? Not my dear brother, I presume, because surely your taste is better than _that_."

"It's not your business", shot Jillian, colour rising to her cheeks. "And no, Sirius has nothing to do with it. And you know what, I don't have to go through this. I have a child, yes, but I can't see why that would matter anything to you."

"It doesn't." Regulus was still smiling, and Jillian didn't want anything as much as punch him so hard he would be crying even tomorrow. Her violent thoughts startled her a bit.

"I am just interested to know how you managed to keep it as a secret", Regulus continued and took a step closer to Jillian. "I mean, in a place like Hogwarts..."

Jillian fingered her sleeve nervously. The weight she had gained was easily covered with larger robes and the fact that she had never been a fairy of any kind, and fortunately all the girls in her dormitory were loyal, reliable people. Tyler was born a little over week after they had left Hogwarts and started their summer holiday, some weeks before the actual due date, and so she had thought that no one who shouldn't have to know didn't know.

"Goodbye, Black", she said coolly. "I hope you have a very nice holiday."

Grinning triumphantly, Regulus watched her back while she hurried away.

* * *

Jillian didn't dare to speak to Regulus any more during that month. She didn't even look at him, but slipped back to her earlier behaviour – Regulus was not real, he did not exist, she had nothing to worry about, because people who didn't exist couldn't hurt her.

But no matter how hard she tried not to, she still did worry a little. She knew that even if other students would find out about Tyler, she wouldn't care that much. Everyone whose opinions she minded already knew. Still, she had enjoyed that nobody else save her closest friends knew – it was easier that way, when there were no malicious people or rumours, just her and the baby and the people she trusted the most.

Maybe he wouldn't tell. Spilling out her secret wouldn't help him in any way. If Black wanted to have some benefit from Tyler, he would start blackmailing Jillian, not blurt out the information. The thought gave her enough strenght to go on.

Nevertheless, she was extremely happy when the Christmas holiday began. In the platform 9 and ¾ she hugged tightly first Lily and then Cora, said goodbyes to them and told that they had to come to the Potters' Christmas ball. When Lily opened her mouth to say that it was not likely she would get an invitation, Jillian laughed and assured her that there was no way James was going to leave her uninvited.

Then she grabbed her luggage and almost ran to her parents and Tyler, whom she picked to her arms carefully. From the corner of her eye she saw Regulus, but acted like she hadn't and cuddled her son again.

Regulus turned away, looking for his parents and saw Sirius saying goodbyes to his own friends. He touched the wand he kept inside his coat and was suddenly wondering could he maybe practise some spells on Sirius while they were on holiday.

* * *

He would not.

Two nights before the Christmas Eve Regulus was woken up by an odd, loud sound that came outside of his room. He opened his gray eyes sleepily and heard that noise again. And again.

Somehow he already knew what he was going to see when he rose, walked to the door and opened it silently. He looked out and saw what he would not have wanted to see, but had known he would see it anyway.

Sirius stormed out of his own room, carrying a large bag and his expression was determined. Regulus closed his eyes for a second or two. Something had finally pushed Sirius over the edge. He was not going to keep pretending that he belonged to this world – he would leave Grimmauld place, the noble and most ancient house of Black, his family, his pride, his past. He was going to leave Regulus.

How _could _Sirius do that to him?

When Regulus opened his eyes again he saw Sirius staring right at him. If someone would have come and seen them together, that someone would have noticed how they were alike – their hair and eyes were identical, they stood the same way, the look on their pale faces was the same, both were looking at each other the same way – there was anger and hatred between them, but mostly it was just disappointment and confusion of how they had ended up like that. To two different sides.

"You really should open your eyes too, Reggie", Sirius said softly after a time that had felt like thousands of years, using the old nickname again after all the years of silence. Then he turned around and disappeared to the stairs. Regulus didn't call after or try to stop him, just stood there and listened how the sound of Sirius' steps slowly vanished, how his brother finally slid away from him.

Sirius had left, like Regulus had known he someday would. He just hadn't realised that day would come so soon and unexpectedly.

* * *

He did not sleep very well, and early in the morning he was woken up by his mother's furious scream. Again he knew what was happening. After the quiet breakfast Regulus went to the drawing room. The tapestry hung on a wall, golden letters could still be read even though some of them were hundreds of years old.

Regulus' eyes searched his own name. He found it after a while and noticed that Sirius' name was no longer there – instead, there was little burn mark next to the name Regulus. The meaning was clear – he no longer had a brother.

Regulus studied the burn mark for a moment and then his eyes found another similar mark – that had been Andromeda's – and another between Cassiopeia and Dorea – he didn't know whose it had been, but remembered some quiet whispers about a squib. There were other burn marks, but Regulus did not know who those people had been and why they had been removed – but it shouldn't matter, because those people were blood traitors and Muggle-lovers, not people he would care about.

Regulus looked at his brother's mark one last time. He hoped that Sirius knew what he was doing – after this he wasn't anymore a part of the house of Black, no matter how much he maybe later would regret and beg for forgiveness.

But Sirius would not beg, Regulus knew that too. He was far too proud.

The words written on the top of the tapestry looked brighter than ever.

_Toujours pur._


	3. The Christmas Ball

_**The Christmas Ball**_

Jillian held Tyler tightly against her chest while she was trying to make her way through the crowd and look for her friends at the same time. The Potters' Christmas ball was always a success, and this year there seemed to be more guests than ever before. That, naturally, made her search much more difficult.

She saw Sirius Black dancing with some young, pretty girl Jillian had seen at Hogwarts, but didn't know her name. The couple seemed to have fun together, and as Jillian was watching them, the girl giggled flirtatiously and batted her eyelashes.

Jillian saw her mother, Mrs Raven Mae Conor, standing quite close and hurried to her. She was very much like her mother – Jillian and her big brother Reed had both inherited their mother's dark hair and eyes, but Jillian also had Raven Mae's nose and chin. Her mother's lenght, however, she didn't have. Jillian had always thought it was little annoying – other three in her family were tall and dashing, while she was _not_. Life was absolutely unfair.

"Mum, have you seen Cora or Lily yet?" she asked.

"No, dear, but James is there, and I'm sure I just saw the Prewetts somewhere – you should go and say hello to them, you know", Raven Mae advised a small (and faked) smile on her face.

Jillian rolled her eyes. "Sure."

Raven Mae tickled first her grandson's and then her daughter's chin. Then she furrowed her brow. "And while we are discussing about Prewetts – _what _is your cousin Isabella doing with Gideon Prewett?"

Jillian looked at the same direction than her mother just had. Isabella Conroy, her cousin from Raven Mae's side, was standing far from others with laughing Gideon Prewett, apparently discussing about something _really_ interesting. At least that she thought when she saw the look on Issy's face. Usually Isabella was either sour or extremely sour.

"Discussing about art?" she suggested shyly to Mrs Conor, who snorted. Jillian offered one last smile to her mother and then left her company, still trying to find her friends.

"Jills?"

Jillian didn't have to turn around to know who was calling her, because she knew the voice better than her own – after all, she and James _had_ been neighbours and more or less dear friends for sixteen years.

James had apparently tried to arrange his hair even once (because of his mother's commands, there was no doubt about that), but hadn't succeeded very well. He was wearing a new set of robes and his expression was everything but comfortable.

"Yes, Jamie love, how can Auntie Jillian help you today?"

James' lips twisted a little when he was addressed as Jamie – he had hated that nickname always, but then again, Jillian didn't like Jills very much either, which James very well knew. James decided not to fight, but looked at Jillian like a puppy whose owner had just kicked it.

Jillian knew that look little too well. "What do you want now?"

"Nothing too big, I promise", James said, "just ask Evans if she'd like to dance with me."

Jillian sighed. "Why you don't ask her yourself? And I haven't even found her yet, or Cora, for that matter." A doubtful pause and then she surrendered. "Have you seen them?"

James rolled his eyes but didn't mutter anything about Jillian being blind. Instead he pointed at two girls standing together near them. "Now go, or I'll whine all night."

Jillian had lost this battle. She knew that James really would whine through the whole night and she didn't exactly enjoy the idea of James following her and ruining the party. "_Fine_."

The happy smile on James' face was almost pathetic. Jillian gave him a pitying look and then walked to her friends.

They both looked amazing – Lily the redhead was wearing dark green and Cora's dress was that only shade of light blue that didn't make her look like a living dead. Jillian hugged them hastily, not wanting to make Tyler feel uncomfortable. After asking all those regular, boring questions about their holidays she asked matter-of-factly if Lily wanted to dance with her 'dear old Jamie'.

Lily pondered the question, her head tilted to one side, when Jillian saw a very familiar figure coming closer to them. "Think about it, Lil, really", she pleaded and then headed to him. Her friends shared a short worrying look before Lily nodded to Cora and said she might as well as dance with James, so she wouldn't have to be a wallflower for the whole night. Cora looked pleased and waved to James a sign that told he could come there.

"Hey", Jillian said quietly and the same time little anxiously.

"Hello, Jillian", answered Fabian Prewett. Had he grown taller again? _What _was with these people? "How are you doing?" He glanced at Tyler, who was looking like he would fall asleep soon.

"Oh, great. And you...?"

Fabian shrugged. "Same as always."

"At work?"

"Great."

"That's good."

Well talk about awkward.

Jillian pushed one of her curls behind her ear. "Would you like to hold him?" she asked little nervously.

Fabian smiled and took Tyler to his arms. For a moment all the three of them were quiet.

"What about Molly and Arthur's baby?" asked Jillian, not exactly enjoying the empty feeling in her arms. "Let me guess. It was a boy."

"Yeah", confirmed Fabian, rocking Tyler skilfully. He was not an uncle of three for nothing. "He was born in end of August. Percy, that's his name."

Jillian fingered her dark red dress, feeling rather uncomfortable. Earlier they had been friends – not best, but they had got along very well. Maybe sleeping together (twice) and pregnancy really changed things. Anyhow, she was determined to have a friendly relationship with a man who was a father of her son.

"While we are talking about your family..." started Jillian, "do you know what your brother is doing with my Isabella?"

"Gid?"

"Oh please, don't tell me that you have more brothers!"

Fabian chuckled. "I think they are friends. Just friends."

Tyler, whom he was holding in his lap, started to swing his legs and arms, his face reddening. Jillian knew the signs; he wanted to go to sleep, but it was too noisy here for his liking.

"I'd better take him home now", she suggested. Fabian gave Tyler to her, little unwillingly.

"Do you need something?" he asked anxiously. "Money, or –"

"No." Jillian's parents could (and did) provide them quite well. "We're OK."

"Good. Bye then, I believe. I'll send his present tomorrow."

Jillian smiled, rocking Tyler at the same time. "Thank you. And – you know, you can visit him even when I'm at school. No one is going to bite your head off. Not even Reed. Bye, Fae."

As she left, she saw a glimpse of James Potter and Lily Evans dancing together. They weren't talking and the situation didn't resemble the one between Sirius and the unknown girl, but when James saw Jillian watching, he mouthed the words 'This is already the second dance' on his lips.


	4. Against the wall

_**Against the wall**_

January of the year 1977 was a month that changed both Regulus and Jillian. While he grew louder and louder, was more aggressive towards Gryffindors, especially Sirius, and got detention more often than ever, she became more quiet. So quiet, in fact, that James got worried and actually forgot to pay any attention to Lily Evans. Of course Lily noticed the way he took care of their friend, and even though James didn't know it, his name vanished from Lily's _'Danger. Do Avoid'_-list.

One day Jillian sat in an empty classroom, enjoying the silence around her. She loved Gryffindor's common room, really did, but it was so noisy and James' protection was slowly smothering her.

Jillian Conor was raised to be a good girl. But now she needed new experiences, wanted to take risks. She didn't want to be _proper_ anymore.

* * *

Regulus was lingering in the corridor. The day wasn't his best, not even close. He had seen The Blood Traitor (or, as some people called it, Sirius) little while ago, but had not had a chance to hex him, because that old bat (also known as professor McGonagall) had been right there beside them, and Regulus' calendar was too full of detentions already.

Sir- The Blood Traitor had sneered at him. "Like you would be able to jinx me anyway, little Reggie."

But Regulus was sure he could have done it. He was the most capable student of his year, but he was also a real Black and Slytherin. He had always listened carefully what other, older wizards talked about spells, unlike Sirius, who had wanted to escape from those situations. Regulus had got to know the Hogwarts' library better than his own wand, not to mention his father's private library. He wasn't really allowed to go there, but when had that stopped him from doing what he wanted to do?

He had been only five when he had sneaked there for the first time while Father and Mother were enjoying tea in the Parkinsons'. Of course Regulus was not alone: Sirius, Narcissa, Andromeda and Bellatrix, the leader in the age of fifteen, had been with him. Thinking of those times made Regulus feel a sudden pang of wistfulness. If only they had known then what would lie ahead of them – mudbloods and running away and departures.

Regulus' head snapped up when he heard the sound of an opening door on his left side. He turned to see who was coming (it was not a wise thing to do just keep walking when anyone could be there) and suddenly decided his day was surely getting better.

"Well, well, well, isn't it the little mother herself?"

Jillian clenched her teeth together. This wasn't exactly what she had meant by risks.

"Shouldn't you be at home taking care of your little mudblood bastard?"

"He is not a mudblood. Actually, I'd say he's quite pure-blooded", answered Jillian. That word ('the M-word as some people called it) had never been a taboo to her – if someone wanted her to say it, then she could easily say it. It was only a _word_, for Merlin's sake. She took it as an insult only when it was _meant_ to be one. Though Black probably had meant is as an insult anyway, but she decided not to care too much about that.

Regulus smirked. This might turn out to be quite fun.

"About this little secret of yours", he said quietly, and Jillian didn't even remember when he had come so close, "give me one reason to keep it as a secret."

"You have known it already for a month and still haven't told anyone", Jillian pointed out. "So don't even _think_ about it."

He stepped towards her. She moved back. Too bad that now she was standing her back against the solid stone wall.

Oh dear.

Regulus had two hands which he knew very well how to use. Now he landed both of them against the wall, trapping Jillian between his arms. He enjoyed the feeling of being the boss of the situation. She looked at his gray eyes with pure loathing, but somewhere deep down she, too, had begun to enjoy the situation, the danger that someone could come and see them standing there, so close, lips almost touching –

He kissed her.

It was not a soft kiss, and anything but tender. Lips pressed against lips roughly, Regulus' teeth opened the old but not yet healed cut in Jillian's lip. The kiss was horrible and violent and wild, and she couldn't help thinking how different it was from Fabian's kisses.

After a minute or so, Regulus pulled away. She raised her hand and touched lightly her lower lip. It didn't bleed anymore, but was sore and little puffy.

"That will do for a while", Regulus said softly. Then he simply turned his back at her and left.

Jillian felt anger that almost boiled over. She closed her eyes and slid down, her back still against the wall, and ended up sitting on a floor, utterly tired. But something was forming a plan in her brains, and she rather liked that plan.

* * *

Next day Jillian lingered around the castle, trying to find Regulus. She had to wait quite a long time, but finally she was able to spot Regulus alone and yank him to a Transfiguration classroom.

"Are you that desperate to repeat yesterday?" Regulus sneered.

"No", Jillian answered automatically, though that wasn't the exact truth. "Or... Well, never mind. I have a proposition for you."

He felt some curiosity and jumped to the table easily. "What kind of proposition?"

Jillian felt suddenly quite nervous and shy. "I... I'd want..." She hesitated.

Regulus swung his legs irritatedly. "_Yes_?"

She pulled herself together and started speaking much quicker than she normally did. "The thing is that I'd want a quick shag now and then. No commitments, no feelings, no – no anything. Just sex." She felt her cheeks reddening a little. "You know, with you."

"And how much are you going to pay to me?"

Jillian felt how her jaw dropped. Did he honestly think that... A look to his face showed that he hadn't meant it, not really (though he probably wouldn't refuse if she offered money). He looked amused.

"Usually it's a male who pays", she reminded.

"Usually it's a male who suggests", Regulus answered and pulled her closer. He thought the idea was rather good, even if it had been Gryffindor girl's.

* * *

And so it started. They met almost every night somewhere, usually in some empty classroom, but sometimes in halls too, in places that they would most likely be left alone, but still had the chance of someone walking in – the danger, after all, had been one reason why they had fallen into that foolish relationship.

Maybe James noticed something new in Jillian's appearance or knew why she no longer spent time in common room in the evenings. He didn't, however, know who was the one behind Jillian's actions, and was only glad that his 'little sister' was getting better. If he had known, well – better for Regulus that he didn't.

Maybe some of the Slytherins understood why Regulus suddenly found empty corridors so interesting, but feared the name of Black so much they didn't want to risk their safety and share their thoughts with others.

Maybe Jillian found herself wondering what in the name of Merlin she was doing with a Slytherin – with a _Black_ Slytherin, but she pushed that thought away and concentrated on enjoying those little moments when she didn't have to be a lovely young lady who'd have to try to make up the one mistake for the rest of her life.

And maybe, maybe Regulus after his Quidditch practise looked at the mirror with little disgust. Jillian Conor, Gryffindor, a friend of Sirius, _a mother_, and who knew what kind of blood traitor she was on the top of all that? But still he met Jillian that day in the class, not asking any money even as a joke, and knew he would come again without any second thoughts.

When the spring, and right behind it, the summer, came closer and closer, dragging Regulus' O.W.L.s with them, their meetings got new aspects. Regulus was stressed out because of the exams (his parents had commented that he'd better be better than any mudblood in his year, or else...) and Jillian waited nervously the moment when she could hold her son again. The Easter holiday seemed to have been an eternity ago.

"Remember then, Conor, that I don't have any intentions to be a father of your second bastard", Regulus whispered while they were in the Astronomy Tower. (The place was _so _cliché, he thought and wrinkled his nose.)

"I tend to learn from my mistakes", Jillian answered. "Do you really think I would go through of all that suffering again because of _you_?"

That night, and many following ones, Lily and Cora waited awake for Jillian to arrive their dormitory. That night, and many following ones, they had finally fallen asleep before Jillian came.

When the exams eventually were over, summer holiday was right in front of them. Both were glad but for different reasons, and during their last meeting of that term they didn't say goodbyes, but neither did they decide when they would meet next time.

Because it was still only a quick shag now and then without any commitments.


	5. Mistake

_**Mistake**_

Their summers couldn't have been more unlike. While Jillian was enjoying her life and blooming, Regulus found problems. And his main problem was darkness.

Bellatrix Lestrange (_née Black_, as Regulus' mother would have added), who had used to be the leader of the cousins' little group, had grown to be a very dangerous and a very dark woman. She was married to one man, but her heart and soul belonged to other man – and not in a particularly nice way. She was completely under her master's will, and didn't even seem to notice that herself.

Regulus didn't feel uneasy when discussion was about this man, Lord Voldemort, whose name was whispered quietly everywhere, who wanted to clean the world from mudbloods and blood traitors. Actually, ever after Sirius had left, Regulus had welcomed his thoughts even more willingly than he had before. But even so the way Bellatrix spoke about him was scary, like she had lost herself completely.

Regulus didn't want to lose himself. He wanted to clean the world, yes, very much, but he didn't want to be someone's brainless puppet.

But something in Bella's words always captured his attention – she had a meaning in her life, something to live and fight for. She knew things that Regulus could never know unless he joined. And joining didn't sound so bad, because they were just giving to Muggles, mudbloods and Muggle-lovers what they deserved.

World would be so much better place if those people who were a great danger to others _and_ themselves were gone.

And he started to listen to Bella's words even more hungrily, enjoyed of every word and syllable, let them roll on his tongue.

That summer sealed Regulus' fate.

* * *

To Jillian the holiday was the best time of her life that far. It took some time for her to actually realise that Sirius Black was now living next door and James wouldn't be hers completely anymore, but after a while she got used to the idea – after all, James hadn't been completely hers for a long time, now. He had been hers (and she his) for eleven long, beautiful years, but after they had started Hogwarts things had changed. Jillian had been very jealous to his best friend's new friends, but she had also got her own friends later.

And now, when she had not only one but two (occasionally even four) friends who took her with them more than willingly, she enjoyed herself very much. Sirius Black wasn't really that bad, only a little egocentric, and if sleeping with your brother's brother would not have sound entirely terrible thing, Jillian might have called Sirius her new brother. Remus Lupin was little reserved but mischievous enough, and Peter Pettigrew was one of the the most lovable things Jillian had ever met.

With those four boys she experienced many new things, like adventures in muggle London. There Remus, the only half-blood, and Peter, the only one of the group who bothered to study Muggle Students, introduced the wonders of movies and such to amazed pure-blooded children.

Jillian also noticed how much her precious son had grown – little Tyler was not so little anymore. He had said his first words long ago (at least if you counted Ma-a a word, which Jillian of course did), and now Reed was desperately trying to teach him to say 'uncle Reed'. That had not happened yet, because Tyler insisted on calling his uncle 'Weedy'. The nickname didn't exactly fascinate Reed, because now also wickedly grinning Jillian and their chuckling parents had started to call him Weedy.

In brief, Jillian was happy and Regulus drowning. But still, when they in the beginning of September returned to Hogwarts, he hadn't yet fallen to the darkness completely.

* * *

As the new term began, they continued their little secret meetings, but now Jillian made sure they were much more careful than they had been in the spring. No longer did they meet openly in the corridors and halls and the Astronomy Tower, but rather in those rarely used classrooms, which doors she now always remembered to lock. The reason for all this was that James Potter and Lily Evans had been chosen to be the Head Boy and Girl, and Jillian did not exactly enjoy the idea of those two – together or separately – running into her while she was fucking with the enemy.

Early in November, during the first Quidditch match of the season (Hufflepuff against Ravenclaw), they 'accidentally' came across in the empty Entrance Hall. Jillian had not gone to see the match, because she had never been a fan of Quidditch – when James was playing, she watched and cheered for him, but other than that she did think that the world would be so much better place without a violent sport like Quidditch. And Regulus had not gone because he knew that Jillian wouldn't, and he needed her. Or no, he did not _need_ her, he just wanted her.

They trusted childishly that the Entrance Hall was empty, that everyone else had gone to see the match, so they were not so careful that time, they thought no one would see them kissing and that moment would always stay only between the two of them, like every previous time. That was a huge mistake, because the hall was not so empty after all and someone _did_ see them. And that person was about the last one they would have wanted to know their secret.

When they heard loud voices outside the castle, they knew the game had ended. They both left to different directions like they always did – Regulus to Slytherin's dungeons and Jillian to Gryffindor tower. She sat to one comfy armchair and waited for her friends to come in, arranging her rumpled hair and robes. First ones to arrive were some giggling second-years (the Ravenclaw's Captain was extremely good-looking seventh year, which probably explained the girls' red cheeks), but right behind them came three of the four boys.

"Great game", shouted James to her, little too loudly. "You should've seen it! Hufflepuff won, no surprise there, their new Seeker is just _brilliant_!"

"What Potter really means to say is that he thinks she's hot", Lily, who had just arrived to room, announced loudly and few people snickered to James' expression. "I can see why they took her to the team, though. They counted on male Seekers who are too busy to watch her chest to notice anything else, let alone the Snitch."

"Jealous, are we?" James teased, and everyone in the room (except some first-years who had not yet learnt the mysterious ways of James and Lily) braced themselves, knowing that shouting and insults (from Lily) would soon be heard.

Lily raised her eyebrow. "Of who? _You_? Potter, you are so-o full of yourself it makes me want to laugh. Or cry. Probably both, if you understand what I mean."

_Very_ soon.

"Oh, Lily love, we all know that you fancy me. There's no point of trying to deny it."

"You remember what I said a little over a year ago about you and the giant squid, and which one I'd rather choose? Well, I have news for you. I haven't changed my mind!"

"Yet."

Cora sat to Jillian's knee and threw her bony arms around Jillian's neck, kissing her cheek showily. "So, what do you think, when those two will start dating?"

Jillian looked at Lily, whose voice was starting to rise threateningly and then at James, whose grin was cockier than it had been for a long time.

"Soon enough, Co darling, soon enough."

She flung her arm tightly around Cora's waist (she had lost weight again, Jillian realised and wanted to shake her friend) and didn't notice Sirius, who stumbled to Gryffindor's common room and looked at her gravely.


	6. Revelations

_**Revelations**_

It was Tuesday three days after the match and Jillian left library (where the librarian kept glaring at her threateningly), hurrying through the dark and almost empty castle. She hadn't even realised it was so late.

"I know what you're doing."

Sirius' voice made Jillian stop and look at him, wondering what he was talking about.

"Er – walking?"

"I know what you're doing, and with who", continued Sirius, a shadowed look in his gray eyes that were so like his brother's.

Jillian felt a pang of fear inside of her. "I have no idea what you're talking about, Black", she said, trying not to show her scare.

Unfortunately for her, Sirius Black was surprisingly good with women and their feelings, and he knew that she was just playing dumb. "Oh please, Jillian, I saw you. Last Saturday, during the match, in the Hall. With _him_."

She bit her lip and started leaping forward, trying to get away from Sirius. That didn't work, because Sirius had (besides his skills with women) also surprisingly long legs.

"Jillian, really. Stop it. I know Regulus – he _is_ my brother, you know – and I know he can be dangerous if he wants to. What'll happen to your son if something happens to _you_, have you thought about that?"

"Well, he has my parents! And Reed, and James, who _is_ his godfather – and middle namesake – and he has his Auntie Zoe and Uncle Joseph, and Isabella and Troy and how many names do you actually want me to say?" Jillian kept walking and didn't look at Sirius. "Tyler has his father, too, and Fabian's family", she continued, though she knew that she'd rather give her son even to Sirius than to oh, so dear Molly Weasley. The two of them shared a mutual dislike. "And why do you care, anyway?"

Sirius grabbed her arm and forced her to stop and look at him. "Jillian, I'm serious now."

"Yeah, I know your name, Black, you don't have to -" started Jillian, feebly trying to get away, but Sirius cut her off.

"That is really funny and everything, but we don't have time for it now. You are James' friend, he cares about you, and I don't know what he will do if something happens to you. You are my friend, too, and I don't want to see you to get hurt. I am not going to let you ruin your life. If I have to –"

"That all is really touching, Sirius", she said, and meant it too, "but you are not my mother. You have no right to say what I must do with my life. You see, it's _my_ life. I know I'm selfish, but I can't let everyone else always decide what _I_ should do."

Sirius let go of her and she started to walk away again. Sirius, however, had not given up yet. She could hear his steps behind her when he continued the sentence Jillian had cut short.

"If I have to, I will tell James."

Jillian stopped so quickly that Sirius bumped into her back. They both stumbled to the floor, a mess of legs and arms and robes. Jillian could feel terror rising inside of her.

"You can't be serious."

Little smile appeared to Sirius' face. "Don't say that you forgot my name so soon, dear..."

Jillian let herself smile, too. "So you were joking."

"No, honey, I wasn't. Not about that."

She closed her eyes and opened them again. "Sirius, please. I'm begging you."

"Sorry. If nothing else doesn't make you stop, I will tell him."

* * *

Next morning Jillian sat heavily down to the Gryffindor table and wanted nothing more than just scream. She was exhausted from all the school work and tired after the sleepless night (she had fallen asleep two or three times but, unlike many other girls from Hogwarts, had woken up when Sirius stepped to her dreams), and worried and scared and confused with the whole situation. And there, next to her, sat Cora, pale and far too thin, nibbling an apple.

Jillian suppressed her urge to scream and throw things, and instead reached for a plate and filled it with porridge, then gave it to Cora.

"There, take this. That apple looks little raw."

Cora accepted the porridge, little unwillingly but started to eat it slowly anyway, and some of Jillian's bad mood disappeared as she watched how Cora took the spoon to her mouth, swallowing after a moment.

Lily arrived just then, slumped to the seat opposite them and started to peel an orange. Her cheeks were little flushed, and Jillian suspected she might have caught a cold. She was just about to offer a sandwich to Cora, when Lily dropped the orange from her hand and opened her mouth.

"I'm going to go to Hogsmead with James Potter."

Cora almost choked to her porridge and Jillian stared.

"What?!" Cora shrieked after she had stopped coughing, hand reaching for a water glass.

"James asked me yesterday if I would like to go to Hogsmead with him", Lily explained, flush on her cheeks turning a little bit darker. "I said yes. And so we're going to Hogsmead together next weekend. If that's okay for you two", she hurriedly added.

Jillian nodded faintly and beside her Cora was mimicing the movement.

Lily frowned. "I know this is a bit surprising -" Cora coughed again, "- but he asked so nicely, and lately he's been so polite and friendly to others. He could have asked a little earlier, of course, but..." Lily picked up her orange absentmindedly.

"But _what_?" Cora asked interestedly and leaned towards Lily.

"Absolutely nothing", Lily answered. "Now, eat your porridge."

* * *

So after all the years of waiting and wishing, Lily and James did go out the following weekend.

One good thing about this episode was that Jillian thought it erased some of the 'I will tell James, if...' spirit from Sirius' head, because he was far too busy to mock James' dreamy attitude and call him 'Mrs Evans' when Lily wasn't there to hear him.

While it was so funny to tease the new maybe-a-couple, Jillian couldn't help thinking of Regulus, Sirius and James, a bunch of idiots she should never had meddled with in the first place. But now it was too late to regret that, and Jillian sneaked to meet Regulus, keeping an eye on Sirius so he wouldn't notice. She would continue to meet Regulus. Sirius didn't have to know. She could make him imagine that she had obeyed him. Manipulation was not that hard – not for women who had to protect their reputation.

And so she went to see him again.

* * *

Regulus didn't notice any significant change in Jillian, he was too lost in his thoughts to notice anything. Jillian closed her eyes and welcomed the approaching Christmas holiday happily, almost forgot Sirius was now her neighbour and kissed Regulus' cheek goodbye.

Surely it was not his fault he was like a blind bat when it came to her feelings.


	7. Changes

_**Changes**_

The holiday began and Regulus met Bellatrix at the Christmas Eve. He looked at her, admired her. Her long black Black hair and elegant features, deep dark gray eyes – and the look in them. It was burning, hot, _killing_ fire, dangerous, uncontrolled. Regulus had seen the look so many times during the summer holiday, and now he could remember the faint echo of those eyes from his childhood, time when she had still been whole.

The tattoo shone on Bellatrix's white, strong (_too_ strong) arm. It was black, so very black, and Regulus found himself looking at it with more interest than he had ever paid on anything else. It was almost like the darkness that had lived in him through his whole life had finally woken up and wanted now to take over him.

His gray eyes, the same that looked back at him from Bellatrix's face, were eager and very, very steady when she finally asked the question he had been waiting for so long.

* * *

She knew. From the first second Jillian laid her eyes on Regulus, she knew something had happened. It was so clear – he had changed during the few weeks of Christmas holiday so dramatically that everyone in Hogwarts noticed it. And for the first time ever Jillian was afraid of Regulus.

She tried to avoid him best as she could, but even Hogwarts wasn't great and mazy enough. Regulus found her two days after the school's beginning and guided her to the same room they had parted the last night before the holiday.

He knew that the Mark was supposed to stay hidden and if Jillian saw it, he should kill her or at least modify her memory. Only, he didn't have any intentions to kill her and, as capable student he was, he had never been that good at modifying memories.

There was no real problem, though. Only a handful of people knew about the Dark Lord's servants' tattoos, and all those people were on his side. So Regulus started to open the buttons of her cardigan carelessly. (Who in their right mind would wear Muggle clothes in Hogwarts? Stupid, stupid girl... And stupid, stupid buttons.)

Jillian's hands found his arm and the tattoo on it little later. Her dark eyes stared it, her expression was startled and finally she understood wholly who she was playing with. For a moment she hoped that she had listened to Sirius' advice and cursed her stubbornness. "I know how to take care of myself." Yeah, right. What a joke.

She hadn't known Death Eaters wore tattoos. But she was not a complete idiot, and knew very well what kind of mark Death Eaters and their so called Lord sent to the sky every time they had killed someone.

She pushed Regulus away, adrenaline giving her power she hadn't known she had.

"What the hell are you doing?"

Jillian stormed out of the room, and Regulus could hardly blame her.

* * *

Jillian changed her mind. She always changed it. When she had been five, she had wanted desperately the same kind of broom James had had. She had whined and whined for days and finally her parents had given in and bought her one. Only after she had got what she wanted she had realised she did not want a broom at all.

Of course, dealing with a Death Eater and wanting some stupid broom were two extremely different things. But just like she had abandoned the broom, she now abandoned every common sense she had left in her little head and decided she did not want to end her meetings with Black.

She knew she was not only putting her own life at risk, but also her family's and friends' – not to mention that after they found out all about her little relationship, they could hardly trust her ever again.

And even though neither she or Regulus wanted to point out the fact, it was obvious that something had changed between them. Now it was more than just a game. The change was scary, and yet neither of them wanted to let go.

When Jillian some years later tried to recall that particular spring, she did not remember anything clearly, only fuzzy pictures from here and there. Those couple moths were full of things to do, exams and friends and long letters to home and Regulus, and later she thought it was better she did _not _remember anything well.

Because during that spring she finally made the grave mistake of falling in love with Regulus Black.


	8. Scratches

_**Scratches**_

It was the last day of June and Jillian sat in the breakfast table next to Peter, trying to eat, but not succeeding very well. The sun was shining beautifully and the younger students chattered happily, but in each of the four tables sat a group of silent, glum seventh-yearers.

"So this is it. The end", Cora muttered from where she was sitting, opposite to Jillian and looking uncomfortable with the boys – Remus, Peter and Sirius, as James and Lily were somewhere spending quality time together – beside her. She held her glass like it could save a life. "Seven years and now the real life is waiting for us."

"It won't be that bad", Jillian objected. "New experiences, friends –"

"Bills, taxes and Death Eaters", Peter finished with funny, almost bitter voice. "Yes, it will be quite lovely, like a picnic."

Jillian frowned a little – Peter had been little odd lately, but perhaps she was just imagining things. It was not like they spent every minute together and were best friends. "Well, I'm going to look to the brighter side of things", she said. "Dad has bought an apartment for me so I can move out from home."

Peter rolled his eyes. "And you still have nerve to say you're not spoiled?"

"I'm not spoiled!" Jillian cried out and dropped the sandwich from her hand, since it was obvious she couldn't eat it. "I'm just... Daddy's girl." She looked around pleadingly. "Can't we change the subject now, _please_?"

James and Lily arrived then, looking just as mopey as every other of their class mates did. James sat to Jillian's other side, grabbed two glasses and poured some pumpkin juice first to Lily and then to himself.

"I hate when things change", he said to no one especially, few wrinkles on his forehead.

"It will be odd to never come back here again", Remus nodded.

"Don't say never, dear. You can't know yet what will happen in your life", Lily advised, and everyone saw how Sirius fought a long and fierce battle with himself before suppressing the urge to say that if anyone knew that, that would be Lily.

James gave in a little bit. "These seven years have been great."

"Yes", Sirius agreed. "What a journey."

Peter just smiled and looked at the table's wooden surface.

* * *

A week later Jillian had moved in to her new apartment, and had found a new love of her life. Sure, it was only a house, but that couldn't stop her from wandering around from room to another, eyes sparkling, little Tyler on her hip. His bedroom needed a little bit of painting – and new curtains to the kitchen _had_ to be bought – and new carpets to every room – and new chairs, plates, and... Well, she would think of something more to buy as soon as she had bought these things.

When she had decorated and spent enough of her father's money, she allowed guests to come and see her little heaven. Lily and James (now happily engaged – just imagine the look on their friends' faces when they told their happy news), Cora, Remus, Peter, Sirius, her family (and especially Reed, who kept on muttering how his apartment was smaller and older and how Jillian had always been Father's pet) – and yes, finally also Regulus came.

It was so different to be with him there, in her own home, instead of sneaking around Hogwarts like a pair of thieves. There was no need to worry about some curious first-year coming around the corner any second, no need to think of teachers and rules and curfew. Tyler was of course a little interrupter, and he had grown to like Regulus so terribly much that Jillian was afraid he would some day mention "Reguulu" (as he preferred to call Regulus) in front of Sirius.

She knew that Regulus was drowning deeper and deeper to his Death Eater's business. She could only try to guess all the things he had already done for _them_, and her guesses scared her. Sometimes she thought he was scared too, didn't really want to continue doing all that.

But leaving You-Know-Who's troops didn't sound so easy, and as Jillian pressed her cheek against his upper arm, ruined with a black, ugly tattoo, she hoped he would go and ask Dumbledore to help him.

* * *

Their summer could have been peaceful, if only they did not have to worry about You-Know-Who and his followers and (worst of them all) James _and _Sirius. She was sure that one night she had seen someone standing outside her apartment, waiting for something or someone. That had not been Regulus, because he had told he would not come that night, and Jillian did not want to think of the possibility of someone else in You-Know-Who's little gang knowing where she lived.

So she thought it was Sirius. She certainly hoped it was Sirius rather than someone from the 'wrong' side. But then again, she would have rather faced seventeen fully armed Death Eaters and their Master than one single James, who knew about her little -- secret.

There were times when she actually thought that James knew – something in his eyes or the way he stood or how he didn't tell his secrets to Jillian anymore – but most of the time she managed to assure herself that she was only imagining things, probably because she felt so guilty about keeping things from James. What she couldn't paint away with rationality was that the others were different too. Or rather, Peter, Remus, Lily and Sirius were, Cora was still acting like she used to had. Jillian couldn't quite explain what had happened to all of them, just that the air around them had changed.

Last day of August Regulus came to say goodbyes, for he was going to Hogwarts to his last year. It was little odd for Jillian to think that Regulus would be there – and many other people she had talked, walked and spoke with – and brand new students who would never even know that Jillian had once been there. New set of Gryffindor girls who would eat under the wonderful ceiling, learn and spend their time in the Gryffindor common room.

After Regulus left Jillian found herself wondering had she really been worth of her house, brave and loyal like a Gryffindor should be. She sat down and hugged herself, eyes closed and feeling so cold and lonely. No, se hadn't been.

She did not have any idea that Regulus was also thinking the same thing about himself while he surveyed the black Mark in his arm.


	9. September Days

_**September Days**_

It was the second school day of Regulus' seventh year and he was already ready to start screaming every time he heard the word 'N.E.W.T.s'. Really, what was the point of sitting in the classes and listening to the professors' frantic speeches, when in the real world outside the war was going on, the war that didn't care about exam results and success in school?

This school was apparently full of idiots.

It was frustrating to walk around the school, have students from first year watch him in awe and at the same time frightened, to sit in library and read endless piles of books so he could write an essay about something he didn't care about, gain knowledge would never need. It was also frustrating to realise he was alone. He didn't have any good friends – of course there was this bunch of Slytherins which he hung out with, but they were so childish. He had crossed the line ages ago, they would maybe never do that. He didn't have even Sirius here again, so he could see him at times, sneer and try to hurt Sirius' feelings, make him realise what he had lost.

And then there was the Dark Mark.

Regulus was sure that some of his school mates had to know. Or maybe they did not exactly know, but sensed that something was going on – something very strange. He saw how some Slytherins looked at him when they thought he did not notice, he saw how professors stared at him in the lessons or from their table at dinner time, and he surely felt how professor Dumbledore's light blue eyes followed him as he walked away, his appetite gone.

He knew that even if anyone else didn't have a clue, Dumbledore had. The professor had to know what had happened at Christmas, of course he knew that there was this great black tattoo on Regulus' arm. Sooner or later Dumbledore would make his decision, ask him to reveal his arms, and then he would be in huge trouble.

Regulus was afraid.

* * *

"Are you _baking_?" were James' first words when he stepped inside, his hair for once laying flat because of the nasty September rain. "_You_? _Baking_? By _yourself_?"

"James, do you remember what we have talked about overusing italics?" Lily whispered and then hugged Jillian, her thick, red and also wet hair falling to Jillian's face.

"Baking", repeated James again, kissing Jillian's cheek in a brotherly fashion.

She lifted her chin higher. "There are only _three_ months till Christmas. It will be my first Christmas here and I want to learn how to cook. What's so dreadful about it?"

"Nothing, nothing", he said before muttering the word 'baking' under his breath.

Jillian almost literally dragged her friends to the kitchen, where Tyler was playing with his stuffed stag (James had given it to the boy on his second birthday, and Jillian didn't understand why James smiled so smugly every time he saw the toy), and a set of homemade gingerbreads were waiting to be eaten. Jillian hurried around with plates and tea cups, thinking at the same time she probably reminded a frenzied housewife.

She offered her bakings to the visitors with such an ardour that James didn't have a heart to make joke about her. Lily tasted her gingerbread, and even though a funny little quirk appeared to her brow, she kept eating politely.

"Well, what do you think of them?" Jillian asked, sitting on the edge of her chair and looking like an excited ten-year-old.

Silence fell over Lily and James.

"Well", said Lily quietly after a while. "Usually – usually people don't use salt quite as much as you have."

James reached for his mug of tea, and Jillian looked disappointed.

"Well, anyway", James said quickly, wanting to disturb Jillian's heartbroken thoughts. "Could you come to the Godric's Hollow, to my parents', tonight? Lily and I have news."

Jillian examined her gingerbreads and shook her head sadly. Then she looked at her friends. "News? What news?"

"We'll tell you then", promised Lily. "And these aren't really that dreadful", she added.

Jillian appreciated how willing Lily was to lie in order to make her friend to feel better.

* * *

Jillian wasn't the only one invited to Godric's Hollow that day. Sirius Black was there, along with Peter and Remus. James' parents were naturally there, as it was their home, and Lily had even fetched her parents. Little transparent Cora was sitting far from the boys. She had never felt comfortable around them, but when Remus went to talk with her, she managed to keep the conversation up. Jillian held Tyler's hand and felt a maternal contentment as she watched Cora.

It was good to be here again, so close home and with these people who she loved. And it was good to notice that the others were acting normally – lately Jillian had thought she had noticed them being so distant and secretive. But it must have been only her imagination overworking. She should get herself a job. Yes.

"Why are you nodding?" Sirius asked and Jillian ruffled his hair with her other hand, the one which didn't hold Tyler's. Sirius was taller than her, so she had to crane a little.

"I was just thinking of something."

"Hope that didn't hurt too much", Sirius grinned. Then, probably as an afterthought, he added: "But everything _is_ okay, right?"

She didn't have to answer, as just then James rose up from the sofa and helped Lily standing too.

"I bet some of you have already guessed why we asked you all to come here", Lily started with a wide and shining smile on her face. She was absolutely glowing. "It's because we – James and I – have –"

"We are getting married!" James blurted out.

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Hate to burst your bubble, but I think we all knew it by now. That is the meaning of being engaged, you know. To get married."

James threw this information aside with a wave of his hand. "Oh, shut up. We decided the day we are going to get married!"

"And when is that day?" Peter asked.

"James, here", Lily glared at her husband-to-be, "would have wanted us to have a Christmas wedding. But that would have been too soon, so February it is, 17th day." She cast a cautious look at her parents. Mrs Evans was looking astounded and teary, her husband just astounded. Suddenly Mrs Evans sprang forwards and enclosed Lily to a tight hug.

"My last girl", she muttered.

"Mum, don't be a cliché", Lily said with a tiny laugh, her nose buried to her mother's shoulder.

James stepped forward and flashed Mrs Evans a smile that was reassuring and charming at the same time. "Don't worry, Mrs Evans, I'll take excellent care of your daughter."

More out of habit than anything else, Lily raised her eyebrows. "You? Taking care of me? I think the situation will be quite opposite."

"Because you're so admirably independent, love."

Lily stuck her tongue out her mouth.

"I think I'm having a flashback", Remus announced. "From our sixth year."

Jillian chuckled a bit and congratulated Lily and James. It was so easy to trust just then that everything would be alright someday.


	10. Brothers Black

_**Brothers Black**_

_Sirius_

_Meet me in the Hog's Head next Saturday, 1 PM._

_-RB_

Regulus hesitated a moment, but didn't add the word "please" to the letter. He didn't need to beg, and he could count on his dear brother's natural snoopiness. Sirius would have to swallow his pride, because Regulus knew he would die of curiosity if he didn't find out what Regulus had to say.

He gave the letter to the owl and watched as she flew to the bright blue sky.

* * *

Regulus shuddered a little while walking to the bar. It was the middle of November and the wind was colder than normally during this time of the year. He came to the Hog's Head early and ordered a Firewhisky from the grumpy barman, then sat down and waited, cold fingers around the warm glass.

He would come.

* * *

Sirius was hooded, and obviously didn't want to be seen by anyone in the company of Regulus.

"Brother of mine."

"What is it?" Sirius' voice was harsh, his eyes cold, but he had come.

Regulus shook his head reproachfully. "Tsk, tsk. Didn't you ever listen how our darling mother taught us to discuss properly? _Never_ start bluntly talking about what you want. Remember the nice and important little questions and –"

"You know very well that I never listened to that hag."

Regulus pretended to be shocked. "Ouch. You must not talk so harshly of a woman who gave up her best years to give birth to you."

His brother made a fast, irritated movement with his head. "Will you get to the point –"

Regulus leaned closer. "So, how are you doing? Are you studying? Have a job? A girlfriend? Or perhaps you're the type that would have a boyfriend."

"Shut your –"

He was near the point where he would stand up and leave Regulus there, again. Regulus tilted his head and neatly put his hands to his lap like a well-behaving gentleman would.

"I'm going to quit school."

Sirius put his glass down, an odd expression on his face. "And what, get married?"

Regulus laughed behind the Firewhisky he had risen to his lips. Trust his brother to crack jokes in serious situations.

"I have important things to do."

Sirius looked at him without blinking an eye, cool façade had always been everything. "So you are... I can't believe you have actually..."

"Have what?"

"Have gone and joined."

"Oh, ages ago", Regulus grinned. "Shouldn't be any surprise to you."

Sirius seemed to concentrate on breathing. "And why you exactly wanted to see me here?" he then asked.

"Because nothing's better than family gossip", Regulus answered, knowing Sirius would soon have had enough. And he was right – Sirius jumped up, his hood almost falling away in the process. Before Regulus could say anything more, he had already gone, left Regulus. Again.

Regulus ordered another Firewhisky.

* * *

"Sirius?"

Jillian had been on the Diagon Alley while her mother looked after Tyler, and now she recognised Sirius Black's back in the Leaky Cauldron and came to him, just in time to see him drown a glass of Firewhisky. This probably wasn't his first, judging from the smell of his breath.

"You look terrible."

Sirius seemed to have some problems with looking at her. After a moment he finally seemed to recognise her. "You are lookin' pretty tonight."

"You are drunk."

Sirius laughed a laugh of a drunken one, but managed to speak properly. "Yes, and I've a good reason. Sit down and I'll tell you something excitin'."

Jillian sat down obediently, and Sirius seemed to be very pleased with himself. He was silent long enough to have a dramatic pause, before continuing.

"Regulus is going to quit school."

"_What_?"

That bloody, frigging idiot.

She noticed that Sirius was looking at her, enjoying the effect of his words. She thought he was probably too drunk right now to remember anything about this conversation tomorrow, but made herself to look uninterested anyway.

She laughed lightly and took a sip from Sirius' glass. "Great sons of the Black family, you are. A drop-out and a drunkard."

Sirius turned slightly on his chair and faced her. There was something frightening, almost raw on his face.

"And what are you?" he hissed. "A Death Eater's whore?"

Jillian rose to her feet with less grace than she had hoped. "You are drunk", she said again and hurried away from the pub.

* * *

She spent the night in her parents' house in the Godric's Hollow, and a little while before she left to her own home, she visited the Potters. Mostly she had wanted to meet James. Last night she had asked him to go to the Leaky Cauldron and pick Sirius up from there, and now she was anxious to find out had that damned Black said anything he wasn't supposed to.

James welcomed him, grinning a bit. "Just wait 'til you see Sirius – a hangover if there ever was one. OY, Padfoot!"

No answer came.

"He is in his old room, sulking."

"I'll go there to see him", Jillian said. "I want to have a talk with him."

James nodded, and from his body language Jillian knew he was waiting for Lily to come. She shrugged and walked up the stairs.

Sirius was laying on the bed, a collection of different cures for hangover around him. His hair was sticking up, eyes were red and his lips were pressed to so thin line she thought he was holding back vomit.

"I hope you had fun last night."

"Do you have to shout so loud?" irritated Sirius asked holding his head with his hands and his face having an interesting grey shade on it.

Jillian decided not to answer. Slowly Sirius let his hands fall lower.

"Listen –", he hesitated and bit his lip. "Do you know what happened last night?"

"How much do you remember?"

"Meeting Regulus in the Hog's Head." He grimaced. "He asked me to come, and I know shouldn't have gone, but – well, I went. And after that I went to the Leaky. I ordered a Firewhisky or three, and then I remember nothing until this morning."

She almost let out the deep, relieved sigh. If he didn't remember anything, she had nothing to worry.

"Well, the normal story – first you said I was pretty and then you called me whore."

Sirius groaned and covered his face.

"I'm sorry", he rasped behind his fingers. "It's just – Regulus – he told that he's going to quit school."

Jillian kept the neutral look on her face. "I see."

Sirius seemed to listen carefully her tone.

"So you don't care anymore", he said. "That's good."

She knew very well that both of them cared for Regulus Black far too much for their own good.

* * *

She left Sirius alone with his headache and walked down the stairs.

James and Lily were sitting on the sofa, Lily's head resting on James' shoulder and their fingers entwined together. They were talking with quiet voice, each syllable full of love and contentment.

Jillian's own fingers shook a bit and she clenched them to fists. She stood there, not wanting disturb, but not wanting to eavesdrop either.

They were so obviously in love, and could (and _would_) show it to the whole world. They were a fairytale come true.

That was something she could never have.

For that moment she envied her friends, and it hurt.


End file.
